(I've posted it on reddit but I need more feedback, long post, Vent about slowly gaining trust towards God)
Recently, I've been finding my way back to faith after identifying as agnostic from ages 10 to 17. I'm 19 now. My struggle came from feeling like I didn't belong. I was bullied by the Catholic youth in my hometown and often felt that God could never accept me, especially since I wasn't baptized and had to attend "alternative" classes instead of religion.
One memory that shaped me was when I was 6: a teacher used a picture of "alternative-looking" people, like a pink-haired girl and a punk guy, to represent sin. It left me thinking God rejected anyone who looked different.
During the pandemic, I began watching Catholic youth on TikTok, but most looked like the stereotypical preppy type, while I love Morute aesthetics (Victorian dolls, soft pink tones, coquette fashion) and I have tattoos and piercings. I thought I could never fit in.
Then I discovered creators like @hisdaught3r and @eves.vein (Instagram accounts) and realized my perception was wrong. God's love isn't limited by how someone dresses.
Now I'm reading the Old Testament online, journaling verses by hand, and watching faith-based creators when doubt creeps in. I still struggle with prayer, don't own a rosary or Bible, and I haven't told my atheist boyfriend yet.
I'm open to guidance. Every bit of advice helps me take another step toward becoming better.
That is something you will need to grow in the grace of our Lord and to come to understanding with faith "FROM God"
1 Peter 2:2.
You are right in that what you said.
"God does not reject anyone by outward appearance.
We are separated from God by our sin nature.
Our sin nature is inherited at birth, going all the way back to Adam. Romans 5:12.
It's the heart of mankind that God looks at.
1 Samuel 16:7.
Here is what the Bible say about the heart.
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
Jeremiah 17:9-10.
Psalms 53:1-3 gives a good description of the state of man at his best when he is separated from God and again this separation is at birth!
Here's the Good news!
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
That "WHOSOEVER" believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that "WHOSOEVER" believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
For the scripture saith, "WHOSOEVER" believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
Recently, I've been finding my way back to faith after identifying as agnostic from ages 10 to 17. I'm 19 now. My struggle came from feeling like I didn't belong. I was bullied by the Catholic youth in my hometown and often felt that God could never accept me, especially since I wasn't baptized and had to attend "alternative" classes instead of religion.
One memory that shaped me was when I was 6: a teacher used a picture of "alternative-looking" people, like a pink-haired girl and a punk guy, to represent sin. It left me thinking God rejected anyone who looked different.
During the pandemic, I began watching Catholic youth on TikTok, but most looked like the stereotypical preppy type, while I love Morute aesthetics (Victorian dolls, soft pink tones, coquette fashion) and I have tattoos and piercings. I thought I could never fit in.
Then I discovered creators like @hisdaught3r and @eves.vein (Instagram accounts) and realized my perception was wrong. God's love isn't limited by how someone dresses.
Now I'm reading the Old Testament online, journaling verses by hand, and watching faith-based creators when doubt creeps in. I still struggle with prayer, don't own a rosary or Bible, and I haven't told my atheist boyfriend yet.
I'm open to guidance. Every bit of advice helps me take another step toward becoming better.
Blessings
You said you don't own a Bible.
That is something you will need to grow in the grace of our Lord and to come to understanding with faith "FROM God"
1 Peter 2:2.
You are right in that what you said.
"God does not reject anyone by outward appearance.
We are separated from God by our sin nature.
Our sin nature is inherited at birth, going all the way back to Adam. Romans 5:12.
It's the heart of mankind that God looks at.
1 Samuel 16:7.
Here is what the Bible say about the heart.
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
Jeremiah 17:9-10.
Psalms 53:1-3 gives a good description of the state of man at his best when he is separated from God and again this separation is at birth!
Here's the Good news!
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
That "WHOSOEVER" believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that "WHOSOEVER" believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
For the scripture saith, "WHOSOEVER" believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
Romans 10:9-11
You noticed I emphasized WHOSOEVER?
That's an invitation to everyone!
That's what makes the Good news Good news!
Blessings!
Sorry, I made a mistake on my last reply, I meant to say "God does NOT reject anyone by outward appearance.
God bless you.
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